Here it comes, the moment when

You know you’ll never be the same again

Power chord, see the light

You found your place in the world tonight

I started this blog when I was moving to Ireland back in October 2013. I started studying Service, Hospitality and Tourism Management in September 2013 as on online student. The reason for me choosing to be an online student was because I wanted to move to Ireland. And because I was still a Danish student I could take my student grants with me to Ireland – and that is what I did. All this I have already wrote about on the blog so I am not going to go over it again. However what I want to say is I DID IT! I graduated yesterday and can now call myself an AP graduate in Service, Hospitality and Tourism Management. The last few months have been tough and I was so sure that I was going to fail. I even contacted the school about what I was going to do in case that would have been the outcome and I had actually already accepted the fact that I was going to be an uneducated woman for the rest of my life. I say the rest of myself, because I cannot face anymore studying. But it didn’t quite turn out that way and instead I am going to be an educated woman for the rest of my life.

The feeling I can’t quite describe, but it feels nice to know for sure that a new chapter has finally started. I have been waiting for this for so long and maybe that was the reason that I in the end just didn’t believe in myself. I was so close to the finish line when I lost all hope and just wanted to drop out. But as it is right now I am so happy that I didn’t just give up, because the outcome was way better than I could have ever expected. And I think what I should have learnt from this is to keep believing in myself and don’t give up. Giving up is way too exhausting, I think it would only have been a matter of time before I would have broken down.

But a burden has been lifted off my shoulders and I know now that things can only get better from now on, because now I can finally start working on getting a proper life. Being on student grants is not funny and it sets limits where you wouldn’t want to have any. But hopefully now I can expand my limits and I can continue dreaming about going to Australia next year and maybe even go through with it. The only thing that I want badly right now is to look for jobs and send out applications, but I can’t because I already have a contract for a few months, which I am also really excited about. Job hunting will have to wait till the end of the year!!

In May I started as an event volunteer at headspace Denmark in Aalborg, where I will help built up an event team and I am really excited about it. We have had a few meetings so far, but unfortunately I have been working most of June and am busy for the next few months, so I will not be able to participate as much as I want to. But I am really excited to volunteer for a course like headspace, because I think the concept is so great and needed among the younger people.

This Wednesday I participated in my first official run, Alt for Damernes Løb 2015. I signed up for it in March when I was running regularly and thought that it would be good motivation to keep running. And my motivation was on track until the middle of April where I was going to cycle 110 KM with my friend. Unfortunately we had a bit of miscommunication on the trip and ended up crashing. I hurt my shoulder really bad and it has actually taken around three to four weeks to get over it completely. And then I got a tattoo so I had to put running off for a week as well. So when I participated in the 10 KM run I had only been out twice in a month. But everything was great as I even beat my old 10K record. It was a lot of fun and it’s definitely not the last time I am participating in anything like that.

So many things have been going on and on Saturday I am going on a runaway vacation with some friends for two weeks and I am really looking forward to it. I have so many things at the moment to look forward to that it is hard not to smile when you think about it. And especially now that my final exam is no longer blocking my view!

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I'm not scared

Cause I know there's something out there waiting for me

And I swear that I'll find it someday, just wait and see

I don't care that you call me crazy

I can't stay cause I need room to breathe

There's nothing left to say, better sorry than safe

We live in a world where we are constantly told what to do. Our families have some expectations that they expect us to live up to. We need an education and a job and a part from that they might expect us to start thinking about getting a family of our own. And if we choose not to we are told that it’s time that we grow up. I think it’s not about me not being grown up. In fact I think I am more grown up than a lot of people. I’m not scared of doing things on my own and it doesn’t matter if that means moving to the other side of the world. I’ll take the challenge. Tell me when you have grown enough to leave your comfort zone?

The kind of reaction I’ve had lately when I’ve realised how old I am is: Twenty-four is fucking young! And my standard question when people tell me that I am getting too old for this is: I’m not getting any younger. And that is fucking true! So if not now, when? Should we really settle for never? I think there are three kinds of people: The ones who jumps, the ones who just needs a little push and the ones who doesn’t even make it to the edge. And I belong to the one that jumps, because for me life’s too boring and depressed if I don’t. However we are not programmed to reach happiness in the same kind of ways. But everyone should do what they think they will regret if they don’t and no one should just settle with something because it’s easier or because it’s what is expected of you.

I’m sick of listening to people’s thoughts on how I should live my life. We don’t enjoy the same things so it’s pretty obvious that we don’t want the same things out of life. I don’t dream about buying a house and settling down to start a family. In fact what I want out of life at the moment is quite the opposite. I don’t want to be tied down with a mortgage and a house in a city that I don’t even want to live in with kids that I don’t even want and with a car that I can’t afford. So the question is: why should I strive towards that? It’s pretty easy to see why my family might think this is the right reason, they don’t know anything else. They’ve never had a different life and maybe not even the desire to want anything else. And maybe they just don’t understand why I don’t want the same things as they wanted when they were my age, because it was what made them happy.

I see a lot of people my age tied down with a family and a house and I think it’s great they are living their dreams, but a part of me think it’s a shame that they didn’t just take a year out to see something before they got tied down to charter holidays by the pool with screaming kids. But maybe that is me not understanding them.

I’ve said it before and I am going to say it again. I am restless and I can’t help it. But I’m just a person who needs to get out there and discover something new. I love to have a permanent place to stay, but I just don’t like being there for too long. Recently I decided to postpone my move to Australia and booked at three-week surf camp in Bali instead. I am going on December 26^th which means that I will be there for New Year’s Eve and I am already pretty-fucking-over-the-moon-excited about it. And of course I am flying solo! 

Am I brave enough?

Am I strong enough?

To follow the desire

That burns from within

To push away my fear

To stand where I'm afraid

I have a mind that is changing directions all the time. And this year I have changed my mind regarding my future three times. I mean it’s sometimes just such a tough decision and you don’t really want to be making the wrong one, but I guess you just gotta do what you gotta do – no regrets. I went from not wanting to keep studying to wanting to keep studying and my latest decision is that I don’t want to study any further. I’m sick of it and it’s hanging far out of my throat. I think that this time I want a life, but what kind of life is it exactly that I want? I know that. I want to be a seasonal worker and that might not sound like dreams in many people’s eyes, but it is in mine as it will give me the space I need for my own interests as travelling and writing, and I’ll not be held up anywhere specific. This year I’ll be working one month at a fish factory in my home town. It’s my sixth season there and then three and a half month as a site-manager at the company where I did my internship, which I am very excited about as it is in my field of study. So that is four and a half months of work already settled. So how amazing could it be if I could do it like this every year and then just find another or two companies to work for during Winter and Spring? I wouldn’t even need an apartment and when there’s no work I could go travelling. Why should you not follow your dreams when there is nothing holding you back? I’m free as a bird and the world is so big and I want to see it. My plan of going to Australia is still ongoing – I am going next year and it’ll be the craziest thing I have ever done. One thing was to move to Ireland, but Australia is a bit further away.

The only thing that is really stopping people from going anywhere is the way they look upon themselves. They don’t think they are brave enough to do it and it’s a shame because everyone is capable, you just got to jump the gun. I’ve heard it a lot of times it’s brave of you to do this. Especially when I moved to Ireland. So many people told me that they thought it was very brave of me to leave everything for the unknown and that they would never be able to do so. But to me it’s not so much about being brave it is more about what I have to do. Sometimes you just got to close your eyes and walk.