I'm not scared

Cause I know there's something out there waiting for me

And I swear that I'll find it someday, just wait and see

I don't care that you call me crazy

I can't stay cause I need room to breathe

There's nothing left to say, better sorry than safe

We live in a world where we are constantly told what to do. Our families have some expectations that they expect us to live up to. We need an education and a job and a part from that they might expect us to start thinking about getting a family of our own. And if we choose not to we are told that it’s time that we grow up. I think it’s not about me not being grown up. In fact I think I am more grown up than a lot of people. I’m not scared of doing things on my own and it doesn’t matter if that means moving to the other side of the world. I’ll take the challenge. Tell me when you have grown enough to leave your comfort zone?

The kind of reaction I’ve had lately when I’ve realised how old I am is: Twenty-four is fucking young! And my standard question when people tell me that I am getting too old for this is: I’m not getting any younger. And that is fucking true! So if not now, when? Should we really settle for never? I think there are three kinds of people: The ones who jumps, the ones who just needs a little push and the ones who doesn’t even make it to the edge. And I belong to the one that jumps, because for me life’s too boring and depressed if I don’t. However we are not programmed to reach happiness in the same kind of ways. But everyone should do what they think they will regret if they don’t and no one should just settle with something because it’s easier or because it’s what is expected of you.

I’m sick of listening to people’s thoughts on how I should live my life. We don’t enjoy the same things so it’s pretty obvious that we don’t want the same things out of life. I don’t dream about buying a house and settling down to start a family. In fact what I want out of life at the moment is quite the opposite. I don’t want to be tied down with a mortgage and a house in a city that I don’t even want to live in with kids that I don’t even want and with a car that I can’t afford. So the question is: why should I strive towards that? It’s pretty easy to see why my family might think this is the right reason, they don’t know anything else. They’ve never had a different life and maybe not even the desire to want anything else. And maybe they just don’t understand why I don’t want the same things as they wanted when they were my age, because it was what made them happy.

I see a lot of people my age tied down with a family and a house and I think it’s great they are living their dreams, but a part of me think it’s a shame that they didn’t just take a year out to see something before they got tied down to charter holidays by the pool with screaming kids. But maybe that is me not understanding them.

I’ve said it before and I am going to say it again. I am restless and I can’t help it. But I’m just a person who needs to get out there and discover something new. I love to have a permanent place to stay, but I just don’t like being there for too long. Recently I decided to postpone my move to Australia and booked at three-week surf camp in Bali instead. I am going on December 26^th which means that I will be there for New Year’s Eve and I am already pretty-fucking-over-the-moon-excited about it. And of course I am flying solo! 

Am I brave enough?

Am I strong enough?

To follow the desire

That burns from within

To push away my fear

To stand where I'm afraid

I have a mind that is changing directions all the time. And this year I have changed my mind regarding my future three times. I mean it’s sometimes just such a tough decision and you don’t really want to be making the wrong one, but I guess you just gotta do what you gotta do – no regrets. I went from not wanting to keep studying to wanting to keep studying and my latest decision is that I don’t want to study any further. I’m sick of it and it’s hanging far out of my throat. I think that this time I want a life, but what kind of life is it exactly that I want? I know that. I want to be a seasonal worker and that might not sound like dreams in many people’s eyes, but it is in mine as it will give me the space I need for my own interests as travelling and writing, and I’ll not be held up anywhere specific. This year I’ll be working one month at a fish factory in my home town. It’s my sixth season there and then three and a half month as a site-manager at the company where I did my internship, which I am very excited about as it is in my field of study. So that is four and a half months of work already settled. So how amazing could it be if I could do it like this every year and then just find another or two companies to work for during Winter and Spring? I wouldn’t even need an apartment and when there’s no work I could go travelling. Why should you not follow your dreams when there is nothing holding you back? I’m free as a bird and the world is so big and I want to see it. My plan of going to Australia is still ongoing – I am going next year and it’ll be the craziest thing I have ever done. One thing was to move to Ireland, but Australia is a bit further away.

The only thing that is really stopping people from going anywhere is the way they look upon themselves. They don’t think they are brave enough to do it and it’s a shame because everyone is capable, you just got to jump the gun. I’ve heard it a lot of times it’s brave of you to do this. Especially when I moved to Ireland. So many people told me that they thought it was very brave of me to leave everything for the unknown and that they would never be able to do so. But to me it’s not so much about being brave it is more about what I have to do. Sometimes you just got to close your eyes and walk.

Frodo looked at Sam rather startled, half expecting to see some outward sign of the odd change that seemed to have come over him. it did not sound like the voice of the old Sam Gamgee that he thought he knew. But it looked like the old Sam Gamgee sitting there, except that his face was unusually thoughtful.

‘Do you feel any need to leave the Shire now – now that your wish to see them has come true?’ he asked.

‘Yes, sir- I don’t know how to say it, but after last night I feel different. I seem to see ahead, in a kind of way. I know we are going to take a very long road, into darkness; but I know I can’t turn back. It isn’t to see Elves now, nor dragons, nor mountains, that I want – I don’t rightly know what I want: but I have something to do before the end, and it lies ahead, not in the Shire. I must see it through, sir, if you understand me.’

Almost a year ago, the 22^nd to be exact, I moved to Mullingar in Ireland. I moved to explore new heights and to fulfil a dream that I had had for a long time. The feeling of sleeping my last night in Denmark before my move is still very close to me and it feels like it was yesterday. The excitement and nervousness is something that you will probably never forget, because jumping out from a cliff (at least that is what it felt like) made the adrenaline pump so badly. Also just moving when you don’t know anybody or anything is scary in itself especially when you are in the situation I was in – with no connections to anyone in Ireland. Jump on the plane and see how it goes, that’s the best advice I can give.

Unfortunately I didn’t get to live in Ireland for that long, because of some issues with my student grants. My stay which I was expecting to last for at least two years were cut down to only five months. I chose to leave even though I might have been able to make the money last. But later on it was the right decision that I took, because I would have been forced to move back to Denmark anyway. In June we found out that my mother has cancer, so there was no way that I would have stayed in Ireland and I was extremely happy that I had already moved back home when we found out.

 “I wish it need not have happened in my time” said Frodo. “So do I” said Gandalf “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide”

I also love my new flat a lot and I am really happy about where I live in Denmark at the moment even though I haven’t been able to stay there for long. The thing is that since August I have been travelling around with a company that arranges Oktoberfests around Europe as part of my studies. So far we’ve been five weeks in Sweden, one in Denmark and four in London and one in Birmingham. We still have one week in Manchester and then two weeks in Italy before we finish this tour. And I even got to go to Edinburgh for three nights as well. I enjoy travelling around and doing work like this a lot, and the best thing about the fact that I enjoy it a lot is that this is what I have always wanted to do with my life. So for me I am in a satisfying state of my life since I have realised that I don’t just dream about this kind of work, I also like it very much, which is one step in the right direction. However this job means that you see a lot of hotel rooms, mud, rain and drunk people and you don’t really see anything of the cities you visit, because there’s almost always something to be done. But it’s okay that you don’t get to do any sightseeing because in the end you’re there to work.

This year has had its ups and downs and a lot of adventures, but by far the best thing that happened was William, my nephew who was born in July; just a few days before I had to go on tour!

After the event in Millwall Park, London

Canary Wharf, London

Edinburgh Castle, Scotland

“Hold me fast, Hold me fast

Cause I'm a hopeless wanderer

And hold me fast, Hold me fast

Cause I'm a hopeless wanderer

I will learn, I will learn to love the skies I'm under

The skies I'm under”

This is a story of not so long ago. A telling of an adventure to a country where they have their own language, but no one hardly speaks it anymore. This is a potato eating country that makes a spirit called Poitín out of potatoes. It is also a country that lost half their population in just ten years when their potatoes got a decease known as potato blight. They also lost a part of their country to the British Empire. This country is called the Republic of Ireland.

We look up at the same stars, and see such different things.

It’s weird to think that no matter where you are the sky will always be the same. We all look at the same moon and we look at the same stars, but still we do not see the same things. I love a bit of star gazing and no matter where I am I always look for Charles’ Wain. There is something calm about knowing that no matter where you are you are never far away from the stars.

Ireland, Denmark, it doesn’t really matter, because when you look up at the sky you can be anywhere and everywhere at the same time and maybe that is where our homes should be. Just like Bruno Mars sings in hopes you're on the other side talking to me too. Or am I a fool who sits alone talking to the moon?

I’ve been in Denmark for quite a while now and I am really enjoying it. It’s nice to be close to my family and friends again, but I miss being in Ireland from time to time too. I don’t care my stay didn’t last longer than around six months I would not have gone without it. I think that if people ever get the opportunity to go somewhere they really want to go they should never hesitate, because the things you discover and the things you learn about yourself are worth everything. I’m not saying I went to Ireland to find myself, because I think I know the basic things about myself, even though sometimes it feels like I don’t even know who I am. But I know I am the kind of person who sometimes says things that I shouldn’t say; like that time I used the words ‘big black’ in front of a black person. To my defence I was talking about a big black bin, but the person didn’t know that, because everything I said was in Danish, except ‘big black’ it was in English and I was in London and I did it twice to two different people. More than once I’ve talked about larger people when I’ve been hanging out with large people. It’s really awkward to say: ‘Hey look at that person,’ and then point (in secrecy) at a big person when you’re hanging out with someone the same size as the one you’re pointing at. And don’t judge me now, because I’m sure almost everyone looks when they see someone extra-large, just like we look when we see someone extra skinny. Everyone likes to gossip. If not then I confess my crimes.

I’m the person who gets drunk at bigger family gatherings (the few that we have in my family). And most of the times it feels like I am the only one who gets drunk. Like when I was at my grandmother’s 70^th birthday I was the only one who left with a six-pack when the party ended and then went to another party (and I wasn’t the only young one). I am also almost always the only single person at my table and too be honest it’s not always fun to be surrounded by couples (let’s face it they just don’t want to talk about who’s the hottest guy in Game of Thrones or the 25 most awkward things about being single). Being single also means that people never know where to place me at the tables because everyone else arrives with a partner. And let’s be honest, sometimes being single feels like a burden, when people instead should be thanking me for only having to pay for one ;)

I am a person who never shuts up. All the times I’ve been told to shut up by my friends are countless. And there is nothing worse than when people ask me to shut up. I have countless one-way conversations even with my family and closest friends. They might not notice that I notice when they stop listening to me, but I do and it’s really annoying and it actually makes me angry.

I’m the person who loves to drag conversations out. Start with one topic and then end with a fifth topic. I like to say the opposite of what people are saying just to make them annoyed or angry. I am really sarcastic and most of the times people don’t realise it and they believe that I believe in what I say, but most (some) of the times I actually don’t. And if you ask me I am the funniest person on earth!

Ireland didn’t change me and the person I am, but it changed the way I look at some things. Taking that one massive step all alone has made me a braver version of me. I believe that I have become much more independent and I am now able to push myself the last step up the ladder (unless we are talking about exercising, then I’ll probably need someone to slap me in the arse now and then). But in so many place I have grown. I am not afraid of what is out there (not that I ever was), but I know now that I don’t need anyone to go the extra mile. If there is something I really want I’ll do it and so should everyone else!

However Mullingar Diaries ends here. It might be that I will upload a few times to keep people updated but it won’t be often.

They say in every end, there is also a beginning and I have started my new adventure with an empty pocket but a great view.

The view I've got from my new living room. 

Bye bye for now at least...